What Are You Waiting For?
By Lu Vorhies

The other day I was talking with a client who was very sad and confused. She has a number of male friends and is dating a couple of men, but she is dissatisfied with them. As I look across the room I am amazed that I am looking at a very attractive, sexy, bright, witty woman of 40 who has never been married because she cannot find the right guy - or even a close approximation - and she has been dating for 25 years!!

So, I ask her where she meets men. She tells me she meets them anywhere - singles groups, work, the grocery store, bookstores, all sorts of places. Sounds pretty haphazard to me. So I suggest that she go online and join a dating service. She looks at me as if I have just lost what is left of my feeble mind. She vehemently protests the idea because only losers do that and she has heard horror stories from her friends who have done exactly that. She has only heard horror stories about online dating? I've been hearing tales of terror about dating since before the internet was even a thought in Al Gore's mind.

If we know what type of person we are seeking, it seems to me one of the best places to go looking for them is at an online dating site or two or four. We automatically increase the number of people we can meet and can make immediate decisions about which ones we want to actually meet in person. We can see a photo and read what they have written. If we see someone interesting we can make the first move. If someone sends us a message and something in their profile puts us off we can politely decline their offer of further contact. That puts us in charge of who we go out with.

When we make dates, it is for coffee or a drink in a very public place. If the chemistry is not there, or there has been some obvious deception, we can get up and leave and have only wasted an hour or two of our precious time. When we meet someone in the old haphazard way, it may take three or four months discover these things. So what is the problem?

Well, meeting someone on the internet is just as scary as meeting someone anywhere else. We don't really know them and they could be nuts. And we may be contacted by obvious weirdos. It is much easier to avoid weirdos online than if we meet them at a singles dance and they follow us around drooling all night. When a weirdo contacts me, I laugh, show the message to friends and then delete it and block him from contacting me. Punch a few buttons and he is gone. Ta-Dah!! If they are rude and crude, I do the same thing. When someone is rude and crude to my face it seems much more terrifying and personal. And I have some stories from singles groups that would curl your hair without chemicals. I would say that 95% of the men who have contacted me or who I have contacted are genuine, sincere and trustworthy. I can't put the same high percentage on the men I have met other places.

So what are you waiting for? Yes, there are losers and weirdos online just like anywhere else. Do you want to wait for the man of your dreams to show up on your doorstep? Or do you want to do the picking and choosing? Do you want to be in charge of your life or leave it to chance? I am a very controlling person - I want to control my life and that includes who I date.

So, tell me again, what are you waiting for?

Copyright 2002 Lu Vorhies